I just sent these emails off to two ex-managers. I did it because I am healing myself and want to move on. I wasn't sure if I'd just 'save as draft', but I hit send. Now I'm not sure that I should post this blog entry, but I'm going to (this is meaty stuff). I hope this turns out for the best.
To make this blog post, I removed their names as well as the company name.
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Dear
'ex-manager who had me fired',
A lot of time has passed since the
'corporation' days. I've spent some time in self-reflection on the whole experience, and I owe you this letter.
You could have been an excellent manager; You are smart, well educated, have a professional style, and are a good speaker.
However, you really attempted to do a number on me at
'the corporation', and I don't feel that any of it was deserved. I was an excellent employee at
'the corp', b/c I did a great job, all that and I have never 'gotten in line' with the masses b/c I'm an independent thinker AND a unique and creative person.
My take on the whole affair, years later, is that an apology is overdue.
As you grow in your life and continue to deepen as a person, hopefully someday you will realize that *the best* thing a manager (or anyone) can do is to assist people to achieve their best, and if they don't do things the way you want -- perhaps consider if your way might be wrong (or perhaps wrong for that person).
Despite attempts, I have not been able to become a conformist. (Believe it or not, I did try.) Today I can see even more clearly that, when we look at the functioning of a hand, the 'thumbs' are required to enable the 'fingers' to work effectively. No matter how hard a 'thumb' tries to be a 'finger', it will always be a 'thumb', and 'thumbs' don't blend in well with 'fingers'. However, remove all the 'thumbs' from the hand and it will never get a good grip on anything.
Hopefully you can get something out of this email.
I am writing this email as an amends to myself. You catalyzed a change in my career path that ultimately was helpful, however the manner in which I experienced it was not fun.
I did keep a copy of your 'performance improvement plan' on my wall for years -- it made me laugh.
May you seek what you find,
and find what you seek.
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'Ex-manager who threatened me',
A long time has passed, but it has taken me awhile to fully let go of your impact on me at
'the corporation'. Maybe you do not remember, but when you were a manager at
'the corporation', one day you came to my desk and asked me "How would you like it if I smashed all your stuff with a bat?"
Then you sent me an email apologizing, and then I imagine probably realized you had made a grave mistake because now the whole event was written/emailed/acknowledged that you had threatened me. Awhile later, you returned and acted like you had only been joking the whole time.
When this all went down, I was already stressed at the time, b/c I was doing a job that really was not a great fit for my personality or style; but I am a very smart person and I can excel at anything I put my mind to.
However, your threat threw me for a loop for a long time. It added greatly to my job stress at
'the corporation'. I discussed it with a therapist and with a lawyer. I considered suing
'the corporation' for harassment and abuse, as this was not my first experience of being singled out, and perhaps you know that I did file the issue later with HR.
Your threat was not my first experience of harassment at
'the corp', however it was the first time where I felt like I really wanted to do something nasty back to someone. I'm grateful that I did not do anything physical to you.
Just so you know, I did do something back to you; you had asked me to fix something on your computer (and then left the room), at which point I hacked your computer open so I could access it remotely & I copied all of your emails and shared them with another person at
'the corporation'.
Frankly, I never did anything significant with your email except search to see if you were targeting me for a specific reason. I did not find anything.
I'm writing you this email because I owe myself an amends. I think you were unhappy at
'the corporation' (even though your pay was $160k base and $160k+ bonuses, which was quite a lot), and you allowed your stress to bleed out on people who you didn't like or that did not follow your style. I have no idea why you threatened me.
Whatever the case, I've grown past the entire affair. At the time, I managed my response to the best of my ability, which was completely holding back because I was concerned that my response would compromise my job.
If a similar issue were to come up again, the best option I could take, according to a lawyer and a therapist, would be for me to encourage the offender to act on their threat -- and then I would be legally enabled to respond in self-defense.
I hope you have come to realize that bad behavior inspires more bad behavior, and do not continue to act out your repressed anger issues on bystanders.
May you find what you seek,
and seek what you find.
