(and I don't mean physical -- except for the lucky ones.)
Even though some of you may annoy me, and be loaded with negative,
I have nothing but hope and joy for you. I see through your rough exteriors.
Underneath our facades of age, we are all children inside. That's the TRUTH.
For me, this is my big year to move towards LOVE and away from FEAR.
Where I'm at:
Got a corp job that's meaningless. For some, it'd seem like the gravy train: I come in whenever, I leave whenever, I try my best to resolve stuff but it doesn't really matter.
To me, though, it's a drain. I want to do things that empower me and others. I want to use my creativity and somehow make money off that.
The significance of a life where I mindlessly follow the hive is less and less appealing. I can zone out as good as anyone, but I'm on far less drugs nowadays to be a peaceful drone. For me to be a complete drone ... I need drugs! And lots of 'em! And I don't want 'em.
Where I want to go:
I'm not clear on where I want to go, there's no precision. I should probably re-open What Color's Your Parachute. I have some ideas, but as a noncommittal dude, it's hard to pick. I need to pick something, no doubt!! CHOSE! CHOSE! PICK!
They were asking me that all my life, but I've never had good steering in that area. My picker's broken, working on fixing it.
Looking at:
- Film maker / Video Producer
- Comic Artist
- Musician
- Artist
- Writer / ScreenWriter
- Psychotherapist
- Teacher
- Healer
- Creative Director
- Tech Guy <-- that's what I'm doing now, but at the wrong place
So it's looking to other angles on life.
Moving towards my strengths.
Getting conscious of my weaknesses...
Strengths:
- I'm SMART <-- doesn't pay, but handy when I'm doing stuff. Some days, this seems like more of a weakness since society is dumb and I can see how and where, but daily it's a plus. Not nec a survival trait for evolution, however.
- CreATIVE <-- when people talk to me for 10 min's, they say "this guy's unique". Some say crazy. Some say genius. Some say fool. Some don't say shit, and some don't notice. They're too busy looking around in their own minds to notice anything...
- INSIGHT into the OBVIOUS <-- b/c of my unique upbringing, I consider things constantly. I'm always analyzing. As such, I see a lot of things that are commonplace, but with more depth and focus.
- COMMUNICATIONABLENESS <-- I talk, do it well enough, and perhaps too much. See how long this BLOG is? And probably no one reads it! HA HA
- FUNNy-ish <-- I'm freakin' hilarious around 70%, and then no one knows what the F I'm saying 30%. And I rarely know which is which. My old view was "who cares". My new view is ... I'd like to be aware of if I'm being funny or not, and then probably still not care. HA HA
- OUTSIDER <-- I didn't realize that being a Jew meant not being a Christian for a long time. (That's weird, I guess Christ couldn't be a Christian then either... but Christianity didn't start till he died, so ...) And the USA is a Christian world. I also don't really fit in w/the Jews, b/c I made my break from them at 13. So far, my 'best fit' has been with active and recovered Drug Addicts and Artists (is that the same way of saying the same thing? HA).
- HONEST <-- I was born one of those people that doesn't lie well, doesn't remember lies well, and would rather be too honest. I list this as a strength... but it's also a big weakness.
Weaknesses
- The lure of LAZINESS <-- I admit, I like the least effort methods often.
- The lure of BABES <-- Yep. Women are my #1 joy as a sober dude. Prior to that, it was drugs first and then whatever. Now there' s no drugs so I'm alive and aware of every microgram of testosterone coursing thru my blood. AND I'm trying to meet the right woman nowadays (as I'm 36 and aging), so the easiest way is to keep my plate CLEAN of women until she shows up -- but that's no easy task! (Is that bad? I'm OK with it! Most of the time. HA HA)
- FEAR <-- I'm clueless on getting the troops to do the right thing, and don't want them to know it. I'm afraid of success and failure. I have run out of $ 2x when world travelling, and it was no picnic. I'm a recovered addict who could someday return and crash and burn. And other stuff -- that I'm not telling you. HA
- Too spread out <-- ADHD kills my focus. But it also helps my diversity. It's a side effect of being smart. Recently hung out w/ 2 other ADHD guys --> I said the conversation was like a multitasking event. Lateral thinking on steroids. Following threads thru the fabric of thought.
- Disorganization <-- But hey, I got this list written and with bullets! That's not bad.
- Memory <-- I forget why I wrote that.
- Insensitive <-- I'm VERY sensitive to folks nearby and around, but when they're not around, I've frequently done things that weren't the smartest ideas. Not the kindest. I've mishandled much of my life -- still improving in that area. Every day I hope I'm improving...?
A) the corp job that is a souldrainer, but pays $$$, to
B) the exciting job that is a soulfeeder, and pays enough $ to get by.
I can do it, and here's why: Other people have done it before, and others will after. Odds don't matter, it's WILL and INTENTION. The powers of the mind and soul united can rearrange reality to suit my desires.
Whoa -- this is my first post of 07! NICE
Anyone else out there SEEKING something new?
Tell me/us about it! Leave me a message/comment!
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